All works here are adaptations from journal writings mostly 2016-present.

Trevor McCauley Trevor McCauley

Good luck

It’s not in the vernacular

Or part of my mission statement

So why do I offer it as an aside

As if you need it

There are better words

Ones that tack on more meaning

And depth

We don’t operate on it

We don’t base our hopes on it

Luck is not what brought you here

Good or Bad

In the absence of thought

I’d take those words back

And say:

May the same Spirit that guided you here

Instruct and keep you in its knowing

That you may with confidence

Step in the fullness of peace, joy and love

And that you would know guidance

That has always been with you

Not good luck

But favor and grace

Beyond a full cup

Surpassing comprehension

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Trevor McCauley Trevor McCauley

This Moment

Today is yesterday’s dream

It’s not perfect now

But now is everything

If you can see beyond the curtains

And the veils that are all but certain

Happiness becomes a place

Unseen

But you believe in it anyways

I know you feel like you are not

Sitting in the front row provided

You’re walking between the exit

Down the aisle from the pit

And you’re not quite sure

If this is what you expected

Hope is found

When you look all around

And you’re not afraid

To let it all go:

What it all was supposed to be

What it all should be

Relax and allow what is

In its completeness

Be a memory that is forever yours

As it runs its due course

Love is the light

That freezes your shadow

Beyond the grip of the here and now

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Trevor McCauley Trevor McCauley

Another Place To Rest

Sometimes you have got to know when

As the plethora of public opinion still chimes in

But you’ve got to know when

The days are long but you rig them so

Can’t face the world you’ve created

So you live and let live

Even though you know something’s missing

Even though you know

You’re not fooling anyone

Cut your losses, but you’d live with exhaustion

Bury the dead,

But who’s really counting the days

You can pretend no one is judging

But it’s yourself that needs more convincing

You can make your bed

You can tear off all the covers and decide

No, it’s not for you

And it never was

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Trevor McCauley Trevor McCauley

Possessed

You don’t know what you’re asking for

Straight into context of a war

I don’t know where the lines are drawn

But you play along as if they are gone

Do you want me to push you back?

What would that do for you?

I’m holding out for some context

Not some error of reflex

But in this struggle for control

You give yourself away

In this moment of debate

You find yourself trying to exploit

The wrong cards you’ve played

Retreat, a staged retreat is my only option

To risk anything more

Is just giving you more proof to believe in

This world’s a troubled place

And I can’t oblige when you want

Another reason to fight

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Trevor McCauley Trevor McCauley

One Shot

Far from the arenas and the spectacle

Victories are won

Where the witnesses are few

Victories are forged

It’s not every day you stand up

And confront your demons

It’s not every day you accept

That your teacher has arrived

In the minute trials

In the fits and distractions

You were bound and defeated

Until someone took you by the hand

And said, “Aim higher”

Out of your entropy

And into your destiny

One shot was made

And the rest they say is,

History

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Trevor McCauley Trevor McCauley

When the Music Left Nashville

Never got to the punchline

Waiting for my ride

Another night of peace shuffling

Plainly out of sight

Could I think without tripping?

Could I blink before you were gone?

When the music left Nashville

And everything was lost

Was I just a tool that couldn’t remember?

Was I a thought just lead astray?

Moments I could wish them back

When I held onto a single track

I don’t remember why I let you go

Somethings are left to know

Wiser ways of living

A hope that there is more

Miles of forgiveness, years upon retort

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Trevor McCauley Trevor McCauley

Rubles Love Rubble

Pried out of a distance procured

Why do you devour a land not yours?

To consume it,

Break it apart, spit it out

Half digested

For this be told to your brothers and sisters

This is the way you want them to feel loved

“I want you,

I need you,

You were always mine.”

Those land mines, hmmm…

They cannot leave your arms fast enough

Before they break their lives, their homes

The things you want to call your own

No one looks back and remembers you fondly

No one leaves believing

That you’ll leave the place

Better than you found it

And the lies we tell on all sides

That this is love

There is a better definition

And it’s not because we are hurting

Watching you hurting

No, this has only just begun

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Trevor McCauley Trevor McCauley

Burning Pages

All I can do is to distance myself

The longer I wait

I'm closing the gate  

Everything splits

And has a way of claiming more casualties  

No more to be heard

I have to run  

Torture is the moment the air becomes deaf

Deaf to the pleading  

Your interceding  

Building a fire so soon

But what there is left to see  

Come quickly  

I don't want to jinx myself  

Pouring what I know away  

Silently the edges surround what they cover

They move and take over ground  

Free me from the guilt of second guessing  

Free me from the moment

Where every word is passing

The silent burns its course

And it suffers

The more you feed it empty words  

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Trevor McCauley Trevor McCauley

A Perfect Blessing

Elastic is the memory 

In the error of control  

Whatever you mind as is fleeting  

But a better door finds you today  

You didn't have to run  

Or fumble the keys  

You didn't have to knock again

Because all of that was paid for

It's what is behind all that 

Is what sought you out  

Begging you to listen  

But listening is broadened in silence  

And you were made to hear His voice  

The way He speaks to you  

He knows you when you are weak 

He knows you when you've lost everything  

You thought would make you happy  

For what He gives you  

No counterfeit comes close  

In a soft voice is hope  

In a contrite spirit

Is His life to mold

A perfect blessing  

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Trevor McCauley Trevor McCauley

Free at Last

If it is years that were my chains

Pride foolish, why?

I live with their intention

Calm, with all due respect

It’s all over, I am free

No longer waiting for a bailout

No longer all the blame I do without

This time I listened

This time I followed through

And now I am free

Free at last

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Trevor McCauley Trevor McCauley

I Found You

It will catch up to you

Or you can take it easy

Not sure where to run

If you are following me, keep following

All these plans are waged

Discerning the truth

Agitated, separated

I caught myself presuming to be innocent of choice

Expecting the most default of answers

Rallied in my head

I could just trust that you’d play this all out

For my good

That you’d teach me better

Than this old ego could

All of the second guesses

All my defenses

Blew me away, standing still

Until exhausted

I found you

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Trevor McCauley Trevor McCauley

The Girl in The Photos

In a fog

Dancing with precision

All the effort that binds

There is a careful lingering

That is tomorrow's patience

Can it all be for good,

This standing by?

This mind courses on edge

A long time, a short space

Something is a symptom

Upon the thought relied upon

I have spoken this world into existence

I have stayed ready

For the dawn to reach the pixels

Forming her eyes

There are dreams

Photos I have taken

There is a current, developing

Pulling this stream

And The sands

So close, in my hands

 

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Trevor McCauley Trevor McCauley

Thank You!

Welcome, Thank You!

 

On the edge of the unknown

Waging what you dream

Against what you are willing to leave behind

So much scatters in an empty space

When you judge your worth by the vacuum

Suddenly you decide to seen

To be noticed to be heard

You want to face the crowd

And for the first time you realize

That as you lead with your heart

This really is not the first step

Or even a first leap

When even then there are no expectations

You greet the crowd however humble and say:

Thank you, Welcome!

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Trevor McCauley Trevor McCauley

To Teach You

A thought became so grand 

It took on years

It built itself a monument  

To be passed on

To be read about: 

I thought I was supposed to reach everyone  

But then came the wait

Then came the cost

And the weight of everything I had to say

Suddenly the thought had a price tag 

Suddenly I realized that maybe  

The only one I was born to teach was you

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Trevor McCauley Trevor McCauley

Listening

As I hold onto what I don’t know

it sees me, the breeze 

But cannot crystallize into full meaning

It evaporates before I can take it all in

To be held by it once

And feel it’s assurance, it’s direction 

Beautifully made

We stand completely accumulated in light

We know as love

Everything inane is more complicated  

It keeps track of the score

And what you feel is not what you see

As we become what we are listening for

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Trevor McCauley Trevor McCauley

I’m Not There Yet

How much longer can it be? 

Look in the mirror  

There’s more than me in front of me

So I will not turn the next page, today  

If all that is to become  

Is blinding knowing this much: 

My heart will weigh every scenario  

But my bags are not packed  

Because as soon as I admit that I am ready

My life will have changed forever  

So soon, too soon. 

I have waffled between doubt and faith

When I am ok

I am just believing that it will all go away  

But if I pack my bags, there’s no going back

And there’s just me, right? 

But packing, no

I’m not there yet

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Trevor McCauley Trevor McCauley

Seize Day One

I have to let go

there have become too many demands

bent on crippling me

why don’t you hurry up

if it means so much to you

then just “try harder” 

there’s only one fight you can win

when the rest of you is imploding in

while everything assumes a struggle 

between a projection

and the gravity you assume as yourself  

maybe all the lefts should have been rights

maybe you cannot fix it all tonight  

the longer you are shamed by the stasis

the more you beat yourself up

but there is power in taking one step

it won’t get you to your final destination  

but for today it can give you some peace

sometimes

it’s the only thing today was made for  

but it can become the start

of joy, of confidence  

it can lead you to peace with yourself  

where the destination

is not a devastating thing you stare at   

and dig yourself a hole

just one step can be the start of a journey  

where momentum is born out of

the simplicity of seizing one more day.

 

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this photo was taken in the spring of 2018

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Trevor McCauley Trevor McCauley

Weary

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There is a fragile systemic chord  

That keeps ringing  

It tells us when it's time  

And it tells us when we have 

Run out of it

I wish there was something  

I could offer that was more than that  

When everything is broken  

And hanging on is just what we do

What leaves us, 

Hanging on some other share or promise? 

I cannot fix this  

We don't live where something else exists  

Walls we speak to

Mountains we ask to move

They will crumble  

It's something our faith allows us to have  

That beyond the alarm  

There's a job to do

Beyond the struggle  

Was the path that split in two  

Before this day we imagined  

We set our course straight  

It lands us at a crossroads  

Where we can see ourselves more clearly  

To put our faith beyond the journey weary  

 

 

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Trevor McCauley Trevor McCauley

Aghast

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There is a freedom

That has gripped me to challenge  

The breadth and the heights

Of consequences  

How come the guidance cloaks  

Under, behind the urgency  

Wages cross-over to delight

Whenever the "how" became the process

Weaved, forgotten  

To see at once, to see it through  

All that is transported

Beyond the character flaws  

Re-occuring flashbacks  

Where we were dissolved

In a fixture of trust  

Figments applied to a suffering  

Knowledge made me sure  

There is no distance  

In the revelry aghast beside me

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Trevor McCauley Trevor McCauley

The Gift

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This is the gift that I give to you:

All of the patience 

All of the guile

Consumed in Your presence  

If you could bless

The possession of Your truth in me

So that all of my attention  

And all of Your assurance  

Would become undivided in you

Come, worthy is the life  

Grace knows as its son  

The joy that is always the choice

To believe

 

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